A visitor

Yesterday I was in my living room, folding clothes and both the boys were asleep when I saw a shadow pass by the window. And then there was a knock on the door. On the other side was an old friend that I was very glad to see. I greeted said friend (whom I will refer to as "jessie") with a smile and hug and gestured entrance to my home.

My friend has made some decisions in life that have taken a toll on Jessie's appearance and personal hygeine, and while Jessie is not homeless, the living conditions Jessie comes from are poor. In fact so poor that I wonder what kinds of infestation of vermin and insects take lodging there along with Jessie and Jessie's significant other. Actually, I know for a fact (because we talked about it) that there is at least one kind of parasite living with Jessie, evidenced by the bug bites all over Jessie.

We talked for a while, small talk and the like, avoiding the very obvious topics that I did not want to bring up because I didn't want Jessie to think that I was being judgmental or condescending. We sat in silence for a long time, and distracted ourselves from the elephant in the room with chatter about the boys and playing with Jude.

The whole time Jessie was there, I couldn't even focus on what Jessie's needs were. Instead I was consumed by the thought of the parasite that might have just been flippantly carried into my home where my children were. I just kept thinking how I was going to clean and sanatize everywhere Jessie had sat, or touched and how I needed to keep Jessie in an isolated area so that the "contamination" could be minimized. I was also thinking that Jessie stank and was probably making my couch stink too. Never once did I think how Jessie might be feeling about it, and what I might be able to do to help the situation. No. My concern was more for myself than Jessie. All I wanted was for Jessie to leave so that I could decontaminate. I didn't even ask Jessie if she needed anything or if I could get her something.

I am so ashamed of my behavior yesterday. I cannot beleive that, when presented with a situation like that, I fail so miserably to live up to the example Christ has given us. I wasn't even close!

God forgive me.

Becoming a Worship Pastor

Well, this Sunday marks a new chapter in my and Jeremy's life: I am becoming (officially) a worship pastor for the Nazarene church. I have many mixed emotions about this upcoming challenge, not the least of which is uncertainty. Now let me explain. I am not uncertain about the fact that God has called us to this church at this time for His purpose. That part, I am abundantly clear on. And I know that music as a part of worship is exactly what I have been called to do; but there is so much that I have learned in the past year about what the church should look like, and what the kingdom should look like. I really don't want to compromise, or go back to what I knew before. Unfortunately, I am not sure that there are any like-minded people in this body and I am afraid for my family that we will not find the support to which we have become so accustom.

This church has had its ups and downs, and right now they are rebuilding, basically from the ground up. For that part, I am very excited, and hope to be an integral part of what this body of believers will look and act like as we grow together in Christ. But looking at where we have come from and where we are going, I have to wonder if I am even the right person to do all that God is asking of me. This seems so much bigger than what I can see myself being able to accomplish. And yet I have such a burning desire to try.

So as we journey on, and continue to grow, learn, and sometimes stumble, remember us in your prayers. More to come...