Heaven Is...

Vacationing at the beach, but swimming in the pool.

Taking a stroll on a warm summer night.

A campfire on a crisp Fall evening.

Watching the sun rise on the beach with someone special.

Sharing Tiramasu with my husband.

Kissing my children and drinking in their scent.

A long soak in a hot bath.

Sleeping in on a Saturday morning, and then making a huge mess in the kitchen just for pancakes and sausage.

Cafe' Mocha.

The sound of my children laughing.

A hug from my dad.

Shopping with my sister.

Talking about, well, anything with my brother.

A phone call from my mom.

An acoustic set...impromtu.

Catching up with old friends....and making new ones.

A mug of hot cocoa, a blanket and a good book

Christmas Morning.

Snuggling on the couch.

The smell of Grandma's cooking.

Watching a storm from the front porch, and getting a little wet from the rain.

Falling asleep to the sound of the rain.

My husband putting the kids to bed just because.

Loving and being loved.

Waking up before anyone in the house and enjoying the peace and quiet.

Someone else making dinner.

A new pair of shoes.

An old worn-in hoody and pair of jeans.

Friday night football.

Wearing my husband's clothes...tees, sleep pants, sweatshirts.

Warm chocolate chip cookies with milk.

Getting all dolled up and spending a night on the town.

Meeting friends for coffee.

Taking a day off just because.

Reading my son's favorite children's book over and over and over and over...

Staying the night with friends.

Going home.

Reminiscing about the past.

Looking ahead to the future.

Enjoying all the moments that take us through this crazy life.

A change of venue, A change of heart

Maybe the name of this blog should not be "Outnumbered" (even though I am!). Maybe it should be "Battling my former self," or my current self. I don't know....

I am going through such a transformation in my life, and I feel like someone hit the fast forward button. I don't even have time to process where I know I am going before I am there, and being asked to defend it, or explain it.

For such a long time, I was at a crossroads with no understanding of which path to take. I was sure that what I knew was not complete, and maybe even wrong, or at the very least being seen through fog. What I felt in my heart and what I had been taught were in conflict, and I found myself constantly trying to reconcile the two.

Some of that has been made clear...and yet somehow other parts have become foggier still. The deeper I go, sometimes the more confused I get. I am still having internal conflict over so many areas of my life...what I knew was right, or what I knew was wrong is not what I know anymore. In fact, the more I learn, the less I know. It is so disheartening sometimes, and I feel so inadequate to do what God has placed before me to do. And maybe that's good to some degree, to feel that way when it's not true, except that in this case it is true. Call me moses, but I can't. That is not really me. Even if everyone thinks it is. What am I doing?

I'M OUTNUMBERED