A change of venue, A change of heart

Maybe the name of this blog should not be "Outnumbered" (even though I am!). Maybe it should be "Battling my former self," or my current self. I don't know....

I am going through such a transformation in my life, and I feel like someone hit the fast forward button. I don't even have time to process where I know I am going before I am there, and being asked to defend it, or explain it.

For such a long time, I was at a crossroads with no understanding of which path to take. I was sure that what I knew was not complete, and maybe even wrong, or at the very least being seen through fog. What I felt in my heart and what I had been taught were in conflict, and I found myself constantly trying to reconcile the two.

Some of that has been made clear...and yet somehow other parts have become foggier still. The deeper I go, sometimes the more confused I get. I am still having internal conflict over so many areas of my life...what I knew was right, or what I knew was wrong is not what I know anymore. In fact, the more I learn, the less I know. It is so disheartening sometimes, and I feel so inadequate to do what God has placed before me to do. And maybe that's good to some degree, to feel that way when it's not true, except that in this case it is true. Call me moses, but I can't. That is not really me. Even if everyone thinks it is. What am I doing?