Let it Snow!!

The snow is always the prettiest when you don't have to go out in it if you don't want to! The boys and I made muffins this morning, and sat by the window, watching each perfect and unique snowflake float gracefully down from the sky. The boys are mezmerized, and I am grateful for the beauty of God's creation. He is truly a wonderful God.

Took Travis' test.....
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Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich (D)84.62% match
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Your Other Top Matches Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards (D) - 69.23% New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson (D) - 69.23% New York Senator Hillary Clinton (D) - 65.38%
Middle of the PackIllinois Senator Barack Obama (D) - 65.38% Delaware Senator Joseph Biden (D) - 61.54% Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd (D) - 61.54% Former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel (D) - 57.69% Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee (R) - 57.69% Texas Representative Ron Paul (R) - 53.85% Businessman John Cox (R) - 46.15% Arizona Senator John McCain (R) - 42.31% Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney (R) - 38.46% Colorado Representative Tom Tancredo (R) - 34.62%
Bottom of the BarrelKansas Senator Sam Brownback (R) - 30.77% Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R) - 26.92% Former Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson (R) - 26.92% California Representative Duncan Hunter (R) - 19.23% ........

A visitor

Yesterday I was in my living room, folding clothes and both the boys were asleep when I saw a shadow pass by the window. And then there was a knock on the door. On the other side was an old friend that I was very glad to see. I greeted said friend (whom I will refer to as "jessie") with a smile and hug and gestured entrance to my home.

My friend has made some decisions in life that have taken a toll on Jessie's appearance and personal hygeine, and while Jessie is not homeless, the living conditions Jessie comes from are poor. In fact so poor that I wonder what kinds of infestation of vermin and insects take lodging there along with Jessie and Jessie's significant other. Actually, I know for a fact (because we talked about it) that there is at least one kind of parasite living with Jessie, evidenced by the bug bites all over Jessie.

We talked for a while, small talk and the like, avoiding the very obvious topics that I did not want to bring up because I didn't want Jessie to think that I was being judgmental or condescending. We sat in silence for a long time, and distracted ourselves from the elephant in the room with chatter about the boys and playing with Jude.

The whole time Jessie was there, I couldn't even focus on what Jessie's needs were. Instead I was consumed by the thought of the parasite that might have just been flippantly carried into my home where my children were. I just kept thinking how I was going to clean and sanatize everywhere Jessie had sat, or touched and how I needed to keep Jessie in an isolated area so that the "contamination" could be minimized. I was also thinking that Jessie stank and was probably making my couch stink too. Never once did I think how Jessie might be feeling about it, and what I might be able to do to help the situation. No. My concern was more for myself than Jessie. All I wanted was for Jessie to leave so that I could decontaminate. I didn't even ask Jessie if she needed anything or if I could get her something.

I am so ashamed of my behavior yesterday. I cannot beleive that, when presented with a situation like that, I fail so miserably to live up to the example Christ has given us. I wasn't even close!

God forgive me.

Becoming a Worship Pastor

Well, this Sunday marks a new chapter in my and Jeremy's life: I am becoming (officially) a worship pastor for the Nazarene church. I have many mixed emotions about this upcoming challenge, not the least of which is uncertainty. Now let me explain. I am not uncertain about the fact that God has called us to this church at this time for His purpose. That part, I am abundantly clear on. And I know that music as a part of worship is exactly what I have been called to do; but there is so much that I have learned in the past year about what the church should look like, and what the kingdom should look like. I really don't want to compromise, or go back to what I knew before. Unfortunately, I am not sure that there are any like-minded people in this body and I am afraid for my family that we will not find the support to which we have become so accustom.

This church has had its ups and downs, and right now they are rebuilding, basically from the ground up. For that part, I am very excited, and hope to be an integral part of what this body of believers will look and act like as we grow together in Christ. But looking at where we have come from and where we are going, I have to wonder if I am even the right person to do all that God is asking of me. This seems so much bigger than what I can see myself being able to accomplish. And yet I have such a burning desire to try.

So as we journey on, and continue to grow, learn, and sometimes stumble, remember us in your prayers. More to come...

Cake anyone?

Today is the sixth day of lent, and having been raised in the holiness evangelical tradition, this is also the first time I have ever taken part in it. So far, it has been both enlightening and frustrating. I did give up two things that are embarrassingly close to my heart: sweets and tv. At first, I was trying to decide which to give up, and then that small little voice inside my head said, "Why can't you just give up both?" Ouch. Yep. That'll do it every time. And I must say, I have been tempted constantly to give in on both accounts.

It is so unreal to me that I am so lax when it comes to self-discipline and self-control. It should be easy to give up things that are so trivial and meaningless. And yet these two vices have been on my mind continualy since I gave them up. The good news is, that as I dwell on the lack of tv and sweets, I am reminded of why I am doing this, and that if Christ can give up all nourishment of any kind for 40 days, then I can certainly give up two items that I do not even need to survive or even thrive!

But on Saturday evening at our worship gathering, I found out that during lent, people take a break from their fasts on the Sabbath. This was wonderful news to me, until I broke my fast and it was even harder to give it back up after I had a whole day of rest.

With all the trouble I am having after only a few days, I am beginning to wonder how I am going to make it all the way to Easter....

Good News... And Bad

Today is a good news day. God has given me some clear direction and I am grateful. But with the last crossroads behind me, I can't help but strain my eyes to see into the not-so-distant future, where there are bound to be more. But today, with a very recent victory on my mind, I am ok with that.

So for today, I rejoice. And tomorrow, I try to understand how to rejoice in the struggle before the victory.

My husband asked me to pick up a book this week and, since he doesn't ask much of me at all, I decided I should. It's a Manning book, and so of course I want to both never put it down and throw it across the room. I have yet to read a word that did not challenge my way of life and my understaning of Jesus. Thanks a lot, Jer.

The struggle within

I have been so consumed with thoughts that are irreconcilable with myself, and with each other. I have been standing at a crossroads for days now, and I still don't know which way to go. Some small part of me wants to keep standing there, because this in not the first time I have been faced with a dilemma such as this. Nor will it be the last, I am sure. And knowing that just beyond this point of decision So maybe it is laziness or complacency, or maybe it is fear of not knowing what the next crossroads will be. Or maybe it really is that I am just not sure which way to go yet. At times I am closer to choosing, and then somehow end up back where I started or more lost than when I began.

It just seems that the past two years have been filled with decision after decision about where to go next in my spiritual journey. I have learned so much about my God these past two years and have come to recognize Him more. I am tired though and I need a rest. This kind of growth that God is allowing in my life is grueling work, and I feel that I need a break. In fact I feel like I have earned one! But that is probably false. And at the same time, I don't want to stop. I don't want to stand still for fear of being left behind, or not being able to find my way back. I want to press forward but I am having a hard time mustering the strength right now.

So here I stand, looking down one way and then the other, trying to see which one "looks right." Which one do I want and which one does God ask of me? And are they the same?? And if they are not, can I once again choose Him over myself? Those times that I choose me, I eventually come to that same crossroads again. And the time that I choose Him, He brings peace.

But right now my thoughts are so scattered and conflicting. No way is clear. Not yet.